marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize