Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
