I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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