I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
