I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
