So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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