my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize