What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
