She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
