chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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