So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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