Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
