what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
