Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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