ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
