Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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