Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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