she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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