ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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