Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i'm inner monologue high
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
