it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
