That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
