I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
