he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
