You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
