You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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