I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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