Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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