Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
