Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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