I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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