wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize