She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
