He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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