My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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