It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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