Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize