god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize