I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
