In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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