Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
