there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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