Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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