We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
