It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
