Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sober January is a disaster.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
