Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
