They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize