I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
