If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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