I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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