That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
