Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
