craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
