How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
