you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
