No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
