In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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