we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
