I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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