Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
