i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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