I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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