why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you inspire me to be a worse person
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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