My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
