There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
