Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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