I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
