there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
