I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
